If you've ever rinsed your shoes off with a pressure washer.
If you encourage the dogs to lick your husband's boots.
If the majority of your tan lines weren't earned from wearing a bathing suit.
If people around you think it's weird when they find out you can't drive a stick.
If you've ever considered taking/taken a dip in a giant tire water trough.
If your refrigerator has ever stored medicine for barn-yard animals.
If you've ever rushed your cow-trampled husband to the emergency room.
If your front porch has a built-in swing.
If you find the fuzz on soybean pods to be adorable.
If you've never borrowed a cup of sugar from the neighbors because the walk is just too far.
If your husband works most Sundays.
If you aren't afraid to get your hands a little dirty.
If going to work with your hubby is like an adventure.
If "dinner" is served at lunch time.
If you live within a mile radius of a house with a confederate flag hanging outside.
If Miranda Lambert songs give you the sudden urge to get dressed up and shoot guns.
If your wedding ceremony involved the mentioning of John Deere in any way.
If the rocks bordering your flower beds were all hand picked.
If you repurpose wooden pallets, barn wood and tree stumps.
If you burn trash in barrels because there is no garbage pick up on your road.
If the majority of your shoe collection consists of flats.
If the appearance of corn roots fascinates you.
If you've ever been flattered by a truck driver.
If you occasionally assist in relocating herds of cattle.
If you're forced to pick up/take out food because restaurants aren't willing to deliver out to your house.
If you've ever eaten an animal that you "knew" while it was alive.
If you've ever chased your dog through a muddy field in your vehicle.
If the gravel from your driveway runs into the yard when it rains.
If antiques get you giddy.
If the Fall temporarily "widows" you.
If you have ever associated clostraphobia with the suburbs.
If people around you wear cowboy hats and boots, and not because they're going to a country music concert.
If you try to interpret cattle calls.
If riding on the back of a quad makes you feel alive.
If your vehicle is never clean- ever.
If you've declared war on groundhogs.
If you know what a rodenator is and you think it's useful.
If you channel women like Zsa Zsa Gabor and The Pioneer Woman.
If mud really is an ever-present substance your mud room.
If your car has ever been pulled out of a ditch with a chain attached to a pick-up truck.
If your cupboards have ever housed tupperware/bakingware with someone elses name taped on them.
If a baby racoon has ever done its business on your lap.
If picking ticks off of your pets doesn't creep you out.
If your husband has ever used a tractor to clear snow from your driveway in the winter.
If your father in law has ever suggested using salve to "cure" a bite from a potentially rabid animal.
If eating food from McDonald's in the middle of a field at 9 PM is the closest to a picnic you've come in a long time.
If you've ever made an apple pie from scratch.
If you love the smell of burlap.
If "hoe" isn't a dirty word- it's something you use in the garden.
If you really love mowing the lawn.
If power tools are on your Christmas wish list.
If you frequently pull over on road sides to document sunsets with your camera.
If meat and potatoes is your husband's favorite meal and the types of each are unspecified.
If you didn't buy the vase of flowers sitting pretty on your kitchen table- you picked them yourself.
If horses live across the street from you.
If the machinery around you is equipped with awesome GPS technology, but you can never seem find your husband.
If you've ever used a barn as a garage.
If blue mason jars excite you.
If you live on a road lacking traffic lines.
If you live in a house that was built in the 1800s, and the basement has a trough that you've been told was once used as a refrigerator.
If driving a pick-up truck makes you feel empowered.
If you'd be lost without your crockpot.
If winter has become your favorite season because that means time with your husband can be spent in ways other than eating and sleeping.
If mice are just a part of everyday life.
If you've ever discovered a pile of kittens.
If you can look up on a clear night and see a sky FULL of stars.
If you don't mind the smell of manure.
If you usually eat supper alone at least twice a week.
If you've ever enjoyed a glass of wine on your roof top.
If you welcome rainy days with open arms.
If quality time with your husband is often spent riding along with him in a tractor.
If you know the difference between straw and hay.
If you've ever bottle fed a baby animal.
If your neighbor has ever mowed your lawn in exchange for horse manure.
If you can see corn fields from your kitchen window.
If you've ever woke up to a yard full of run-away cows.
If knowing how many pounds are in one bushel of soybeans is considered common sense.
And...
If you consider your life to be perfectly imperfect you just might, in fact, be a farmer's wife.
